Surgery, finally.

About 2 pm on Easter Sunday the nurse rushed in to say, "they have a surgical suite ready, they'll be coming for you soon."

Then came the tears. I was 100% on board for the surgery but I was not prepared. It was my first experience dealing with surgery for myself. I had watched a knee replacement operation and let's just say it wasn't pretty, so picturing myself on the operating table made me want to vomit. It was more about the 'extra' things that go along with surgery that I was afraid of, like being intubated and having a catheter placed. Silly things, but things that I had heard about from many of my patients that weren't comfortable and I knew how they worked and didn't like picturing me in the picture.

And more tears. And more deep breathing. And fear. But then somehow I decided that this wasn't about me, this was about the baby and I went into mom mode. I knew that if I was freaking out, the baby would freak out. I knew that If I could stay calm, the baby would be calm. So I decided to be calm. So I calmly was transported to surgery with tears running down my face with a husband who was doing his very best to fight back tears and until I was whisked away was winning that battle. He later told me he cried most of the time I was gone in surgery, which breaks my heart but I also had told him it's OK to cry and in a way it's good to just let it go.

To the operating room. Unfortunately I was wide awake as they wheeled me in and I got to see in bright lights the room and all that was in it. About five seconds in, I decided I couldn't look around or would get sick. So my eyes stayed closed. They kind of lifted/rolled me onto the operating table and instantly starting hooking me up to monitors and strapping me in. Again, I kept my eyes closed. I was cold and felt a sharp pain in my arm as the anesthesiologist pushed some anesthesia into my IV. I started to feel some numbness on my tongue and a groggy sensation in my head as they kept cheerfully talking to me. Then, he placed something over my mouth to finish me off into my deep sleep and the tears came. I quickly said, "Please take care of my baby" and was off.

Next thing I know, I'm in recovery. I remember feeling like I took a deep breath and suddenly was awake and in pain. I was calling out something, they said I was saying "Is everything OK?" but I'm pretty sure that wasn't in. Must have been something bad or funny and they wouldn't tell me. Most importantly, they said "You're OK. The baby is fine. You have four small incisions. They got everything out." Relief.

I know I said asked for something for the pain and suddenly felt it being pushed into the IV, and just as suddenly I was nauseous and the nice lady had a pan in front of me and out came whatever was in my stomach. I felt better. I couldn't move because of the pain but I was also very cold. The nice ladies kept running around because there was another person next to me. I couldn't see him but apparently he was a little agitated because they kept telling him to relax. I think I was more interested in him than what was going on with me.

I have no idea how much time went by or what else happened during this time.Then, they wheeled me and my gurney back to the room. Home sweet home. The ordeal was over.