First doctor visits

A week after my positive home pregnancy test was my first doctor's appointment. The jerks make you wait in anticipation until you are so many weeks along to confirm, and even more jerkier is that they make you want longer for an ultrasound. For me, it took an ultrasound to make the whole thing seem real. I guess a blood test and a stick weren't enough to indeed say there was this human growing inside me. The first appointment was uneventful except for the fact that I brought up my earlier aches and pains which had conveniently subsided a bit and were, at that point, an occasional twinge and nothing compared to New Years Eve. The doctor ordered up an ultrasound for the following week (YAY! I get to see my baby! was my thought) to get an idea of what could be going on. He said that this was an early ultrasound but didn't say much else.

Another week goes by and I'm back at the doctor, this time solo as Adam was out of town for work. I'm so very excited to see the baby and had done lots of research about 7-8 week ultrasounds and was expecting to see a little something on the screen. Unfortunately, all I saw was an empty sac. Bring on the tears and panic. The ultrasound tech didn't say much besides "It's early, sometimes you don't see anything for a few more weeks." Not very reassuring. She also kept poking the wand towards my left side which was incredibly uncomfortable (Side note: this was a vaginal ultrasound. Not pleasant but not terrible until she wandered toward the areas where I was having pain). Then, "I'm going to go get the doctor so he can see what I'm seeing." Bring on more tears and more panic. Imagine feeling so helpless and clueless and alone and cold laying there half naked in a dark room. Ugh. Adam still feels terrible to this day that he wasn't there with me, but there was nothing he could have done besides panic with me.

Doc comes in and there's more silence and muttering going on as they stare at the screen and poke me uncomfortably. I try to make out what they're saying but I can't. Suddenly, they're done and the doctor says he'll talk with me in a bit and leaves the room. Um, OK? Tech gets me up, looking like she's keeping a secret and won't tell me much. At this point I'm in full panic mode, tears streaming down my face and totally expecting the worst (there's no baby, I miscarried, I was never really pregnant, of course I'm here alone to hear all of this, etc). Lady looks at me and says, "Umm, I normally would send you to the waiting room to wait for the doctor but I'll get you a room." Thanks?

So in comes the doctor who does little to reassure me that everything is OK. I'm told I have some sort of a cyst near my left ovary that grew when I became pregnant due to hormones and that they will watch it throughout the pregnancy but that it typically goes away after the initial surge of pregnancy hormones comes and goes, because "wasn't I feeling better already anyways?" As far as seeing nothing in the sac where there should be a 'baby,' well I was just "there too early and normally ultrasounds aren't done that early" so they really couldn't say anything about that. Thanks? Could I have a picture of what they saw to show my husband? "No. Let's wait until we actually have something to show him." Thanks. Asshole. I'll just go home and cry for a few hours by myself and expect the worst. Least favorite doctor ever. Luckily he's only one of five that I take turns seeing and I really like the rest, otherwise adios I'll find a new doctor thank you very much.

Fast forward again to my next appointment (I think it was a week or maybe two after the last so 9-10 weeks pregnant) to an ultrasound that actually shows a little blurb of a 'baby' THANK GOD and this time Adam is there to hold my hand as I cry happy tears. The same ultrasound tech as the last appointment (it's always the same lady) now tells us my cyst is the size of a clementine (ouch!) and that it's "clot-like," not your average cyst. Hmmm. At some point we're told 6-7 cm. "We'll just keep monitoring it but as long as you're not in pain it's OK." True, I wasn't really hurting anymore except a very occasional twinge or when my cats would walk across my belly and hit just the right spot.