I had my six week follow up visit with my doctors here in Park Ridge this week. I was looking forward to this visit for so many reasons. I couldn't wait to get a lot of things off my chest and put some of the blame, questions, anger, sadness, frustration and disappointment back on the doctors who were supposed to take care of me and I felt like failed me in a way. For a short time I felt like I had failed and had some guilt about not being able to take care of James in my belly (I think a normal feeling for moms of preemies) but that quickly turned into anger and frustration with my doctors. These people that I had trusted to care for me failed me and failed James. Maybe I'm over reacting but with everything we've been through, it's normal to look for answers and to place the blame somewhere. I would rather it be on them than on myself, because that's a tough burden to carry. Really, I know that preterm labor is often no one's fault and that it just happens but at the same time we want answers.
In a nutshell, my appointment went well after the initial tears. I essentially broke down with the nursing assistant when brought back to my room because I had to sit next to a very pregnant lady, probably due around September 11, in the waiting room. That was supposed to be me, but my baby was born too soon and has been in the hospital for six weeks. No fair. I wanted those swollen feet and that waddle and that healthy baby. Some people say that I got to miss the worst of it, but I feel like I missed out.
Anyway, the doctor was warned before she came in that I had a lot to say. We went over all my concerns (which I'll describe more below if anyone cares to hear my rant) and she kindly listened, made some excuses, but in general offered sincere apologies for anything that didn't go well and could have been done differently. She is going to discuss everything that happened with the team of four other doctors I was rotating between and review my ultrasound from July 1 to determine if they could have known then that I was possibly in or going to have early labor and potentially should have been on bed rest or anything. I should get a phone call next week but I don't expect to hear anything that changes much or makes me feel better. In general, I left the appointment feeling 20 lbs lighter and proud of myself for getting things off my chest and placing the blame and guilt elsewhere. Adam felt bad he couldn't be there because of work, but I needed to do this on my own. I did nothing wrong, I couldn't have done anything differently, and at the end of the day I have an adorable baby who will be OK. We are OK and this kind of thing happens. I just didn't expect it to happen to me.
Long rant to follow:
Following my surgery in April I had some issues, namely a couple infections. The first was an infection in one of my wounds which is more common that some would think. Not a big deal, I thought. I brushed this off longer than I should have, I think in denial that anything could go wrong, but finally saw the doctor and was put on an antibiotic that, because of its strength, often leads to other issues if not taken with probiotics. And I ended up with other issues, namely some intense diarrhea that was diagnosed as C diff. I can honestly say I have never been so miserable as I was during the couple days I had to take off work because of frequent trips to the bathroom and being unable to keep food in. Where my issue with my doctors comes in as that I should not have been put on that first antibiotic without some strong warnings about the side effects and what to do to prevent side effects. When I called my doctors crying and begging for help, they turned me away. I was told I had to see my primary doctor for diarrhea. They couldn't test me. "But I feel so bad that I'm going to end up in the hospital. Please just prescribe me something. Help me." They couldn't without knowing what was wrong with me. More tears. The poor nurse probably thought I was crazy because who cries over diarrhea? But it was that bad. I felt that awful. Also, I didn't have a primary doctor so I just saw some random family practice doctor that had the first available appointment. "But why isn't your OB doctor seeing you? You're 28 weeks pregnant." You're right, that's what I said. I wanted to punch someone. Just a nightmare. Anyway, I was put on another antibiotic and started to feel better after a few days.
Fast forward a couple weeks to our vacation up north. Back pain starts and trips to the bathroom start to increase again in frequency. Is the infection back? What's going on? (My doctor in Wausau thought the infection wasn't back but that diarrhea can sometimes be an indicator of labor). James was born a few days later.
My doctor and the nursing staff in Wausau were appalled that I wasn't hospitalized when initially diagnosed with C diff. To quote my doctor, "How long were you hospitalized when they diagnosed you?" What? I wasn't in the hospital. They were shocked. They were convinced I was likely malnourished and definitely dehydrated. Makes sense when you factor in my glucose testing done on July 1, the one where you drink the icky sugary drink and then your blood sugar is tested an hour later to determine the risk of gestational diabetes. I drank the nasty drink and was tested and then got a phone call the next day asking if I had indeed drank the nasty drink. "But your blood sugar is so low, are you feeling alright?" No, not really. I'm not. Remember when I called crying saying I had diarrhea and you turned me away? "Oh that makes sense if you've had diarrhea. I'll talk to the doctor and let you know if you need to be retested." End of story. RED FLAG MUCH? Dehydration is often a cause of preterm labor, among so many other things, and dehydration is so very preventable. I thought I was doing a good job of drinking enough water, Gatorade, Ensure and pedialyte but again I had asked my OB doctors for help and didn't get it.
Also, my placenta. At that July 1 appointment we were told my low lying placenta had resolved and that it had moved to a normal position. My OB doctor who did the c section said that it had not moved, it was a low lying anterior placenta and had I tried to deliver vaginally would have ended up in an emergency c section. Why were we told it had moved? Was the ultrasound tech wrong? Or do placentas just move around a lot? This is something Adam was very upset about because our scary situation leading up to James' birth could have ended up scarier if indeed I had needed an emergency c section.
In general I felt like having five doctors and rotating between them all is not beneficial to anyone. Every time I had an appointment I felt like I had to tell my story because they didn't know what happened and it seemed like they weren't reading my medical chart before seeing me. How are you supposed to do the right thing and know the proper steps and what to do if you don't know the back story? So frustrating and the number one reason I would like to have one doctor following me for any future pregnancies.
Phew. Rant over. Am I being unfair? I just feel like we went through a lot and a lot of it could have been preventable or handled differently.
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