Infertility

Five plus years ago we decided we were ready to have a baby. Almost right away we were pregnant with James so with our second time around I thought, what would be any different? To be honest, I knew early on that something didn’t seem right. Month after month of seeing a negative pregnancy test is disheartening, but I knew one of my ovaries is now removed and I thought for sure this would have a negative effect on me getting pregnant a second time. This brings us to over a year ago when we decided we were officially ready to begin trying for number two.

Months into the process of trying to conceive I again felt something wasn’t right. We tried and tried again with ovulation sticks to test when the fertile window was with no luck. Doctors won’t pay any attention to you until you’ve been unable to conceive for a year so we just waited and kept trying. At the year mark, my primary doctor finally ordered some tests including an HSG, or hysterosalpingogram, which is basically an x-ray of of your uterus and Fallopian tubes with dye injected. Not pleasant for anyone involved. This showed that my one functioning Fallopian tube was open and indeed functional but that I possibly had scar tissue on my one ovary and a possible sub-septate uterus, or malformed uterus which can lead to preterm labor or miscarriage. The results of this test were a little hard to take because it confirmed my suspicion that there was something possibly wrong with me, but on the other hand brought clarity to the possible reason for James’ preterm labor. 

She also ordered the typical testing for Adam which all came back 100% normal. It felt good to be able to confirm that there was nothing wrong on his end, but again was a little tough to know that whatever issue there was was likely on my end. 

After the results came back from the HSG, I finally got the go ahead to work with an infertility doctor. She referred me to a location about 30 minutes from home and I thought nothing of it, but looking back would recommend to myself and anyone else that location matters due to all the traveling for multiple tests and added stress that can cause. I guess above all the quality of doctor and practice should be the determining factor but knowing myself and experience thus far, the travel has impacted my stress level. Fast forward to almost five months later and I’m seeking out a new doctor and practice closer to home.

Anyway, I met with the referred doctor located in Glenview, Illinois. She ordered up several more tests including lots of bloodwork, genetic testing and a ‘water ultrasound’ to further look at my uterus. The bloodwork and hormone levels all came back great except for my prolactin level which was too high. This is a hormone that is commonly elevated when pregnant and/or breastfeeding, both of which I am not so it was a little confusing to both me and my doctor. Luckily enough, this is easily treatable with a medication which I started a low dose of and had to come back for follow up to test the level. I think I’ve been in five times since for bloodwork and my level has not changed; they just keep increasing the dosage. Very strange and frustrating. Could this be why I’m not getting pregnant? The nurse told me that there’s an old wives tale that women can’t get pregnant while breastfeeding. Obviously not true but maybe true for some? 

On to the ‘water ultrasound’ or SHG, saline infusion sonohysterogram. I was told this wouldn’t be painful but in fact I think it was more uncomfortable than the HSG. This is basically a regular vaginal ultrasound where they inject saline in at the same time. Imagine feeling like an organ is about to break open from insane amounts of pressure... so uncomfortable. The results of this test indicated that I had a polyp in my uterus. At first I thought, so what? But my doctor recommended surgery to remove this polyp as a possible egg could implant on or near the polyp causing miscarriage. So now we’re talking a surgery... After this test I questioned the possible scar tissue on my right and only existing ovary. She seemed to dismiss this stating she didn’t agree with the HSG results after having the SHG. This was concerning to me as I’ve always been concerned about the possible scar tissue resulting from my surgery at 19 weeks pregnancy and then again for a c-section. But I just had to trust the doctor at this point. 

On to surgery: my doctor recommended a hysteroscopy under anesthesia for a polypectomy, or basically a fancy way of saying removing the polyp. We ended up waiting a couple months to have the surgery due to new (better) insurance so it would cost us less money in the end. A smart decision but man, I just wanted to move on with all of this. Another fun fact, surgery happened to be scheduled for the week Adam was out of town for the Super Bowl. Classic, right?! Luckily my mom was more than willing to help out and take me. I’m so thankful for her support. Surgery went quick and well with no adverse effects. I was instructed to remain on birth control (counterproductive!) for two weeks to continue to rest my uterus. 

We’re now almost two months past surgery and I’m still not pregnant and we still have no clear cause for our infertility. I’ve decided to change doctors to a location about 10 minutes from home to ease the burden of frequent bloodwork and appointments and have also decided to pursue IVF in the near future. I’m scared, nervous, but also hopeful for what is to come. I know and feel that our family is not complete. 

Thank you for reading. What started as a frustrating situation has turned into a year-plus long struggle with fertility and a situation I never imagined we would be in but that affects so many. By sharing I hope others can learn something or that I can know I’m not alone and feel the support of others, whether having gone through infertility struggles or not.

8 months - March 2015

 Getting better and better at sitting and playing with his favorite toy, his walker. He's also begun standing (with help to get up) at his activity table pictured in the background.

 We Skype my parents a lot and he's starting to get a hang of it which means he's beginning to reach for and grab the phone when he has the chance. Always looking for Grammy and Grampa!

 Still not a big fan of tummy time but more tolerant of it since his g tube port or 'button' was changed last week to a lower profile version, meaning it's just not sticking out quite as much which I'm sure is a little more comfortable for him.

 Badgers in the Elite 8 and James still is so interested in whatever bottle someone is holding (usually a beer bottle in this family!) and loves to hold on to it.

Table for two?

James with his original button, about to be changed

Reading with Grampa

First trip to Billy Goat Tavern

Shedd Aquarium selfie with mom

Shedd Aquarium, March 21, 2015

Chloe's new spot

James was OK'd to begin eating purees by spoon after a video swallow study done earlier this month. Clearly, he enjoys it! We've tried several foods (his firsts were peas and carrots) and I think his favorite is sweet potato. We can also try drinking from a cup with his thickened formula. 

James' Nursery

Some day James will have a big boy room and I'll miss his sweet nursery, so why not take photos of it so I'll always remember his little room the way it began. If we want to go way back, here's a photo from when we first bought the house.

Adam just saw this photo and says he misses Winnie the Pooh. No, thanks!

We had the carpet removed, floors refinished and I painted all of the walls. Much more of a neutral look so maybe someday a little sister can take over the room. I knew right away after finding out we were having a boy that I wanted to do a beachy, nautical theme. The room faces east and south so it's always bright and sunny (when the curtains are open).

He sleeps in his crib, and through the night might I add. I never believed that Adam did this as a baby until our little guy did the same; he must take after his dad. We have a beautiful white wicker bassinet that has been passed down in the Hoge family, but James only slept in it for one night. I got very little sleep that one night (his first night home) as he was next to our bed and any little stir or noise from him and mostly from his feeding pump kept me awake. The sweet little blue table in the corner was found at an antique shop in Stillwater, MN the week before he was born.

I love the built in shelves in his room, they make a good spot for all of his trinkets and books. The blue truck came with flowers in it when he was born (a gift from Adam's work), the striped yarn vase was made for him by a friend from work, the glass elephant is from aunt Carole's collection, and the seashells I found for him in Puerto Rico. Adam picked out the 'Smile, giggle, be silly' art piece for him before he was born and I painted the J while taking a break from the NICU in Wausau.

Can you spot the little elephant on the shelf? Another piece from aunt Carole's collection, this one I believe was originally James' great grandmother Hoge's. As he continues to grow we're going to have to take the shelf down so he doesn't pull it down on himself. So far he can't quite reach it!

Of course the kitties had to be a part of the photo shoot. Scraggles the rabbit/bear/dog and the red crab both came from Seattle, the crab picked out by me on our trip there just a few weeks before James was born and Scraggles was a gift from uncle Travis on his first visit to meet his nephew. The rocking chair was a steal I found online for $20, originally oak wood with an ugly green fabric that I refinished myself. We didn't have time to get it professionally reupholstered before baby's surprise arrival, so the fabric on the chair is just tucked in but works fine for us! We usually read books and rock James to sleep at night in this chair. He's outgrowing the snuggling phase and likes to sprawl out in my lap with his head on my tummy.

His closet had this great organizer built in when we bought the house so the closet didn't need much work until one of the doors fell off awhile before he was born. Instead of fixing them (they were old and cheap) we hung curtains instead. I can't wait until he's big enough to use his cute white rocking chair from auntie Brittany and life jacket from great aunt and uncle Rolly & Pat.

Again, more great built-ins currently being used by Dad. Say hi to James in his swing! This is where he currently takes most of his naps during the day; we're trying to transition him to napping in his crib more but he won't fall asleep as well there or nap quite as long. For now, he loves that swing and we're just happy he's a good napper.

Sleep study & results

James had his third sleep study done on December 3rd. This was the first one we were present for so it was quite interesting to see him get hooked up to all of the wires and get wrapped up like a mummy. He didn't seem to mind it much until it came time to try to fall asleep. Once asleep he slept like a champ - or so we thought, apparently he still has some occasional mild apnea where he desaturates a little.

The recommendation was that James be placed on 0.25 liters of oxygen overnight (instead of the 0.5 liters he had been on all day). We followed through with this for maybe a couple weeks and have since taken him off all oxygen. Call us non compliant parents, but we found that everything that went into applying the oxygen (the tape on his face and then just simply tightening it on him without tape) did more harm than good as he tended to get tangled in the tube over night (we were worried he would strangle himself) and the tape tearing his skin. Basically the risks outweighed the benefits for us and he had been off oxygen for several weeks in the hospital and had been fine weeks before he even came home. We still have the oxygen in the house if needed.

We're supposed to follow up with sleep medicine for another sleep study in a few months but I may just say forget it. They said they expect him to have mostly if not totally grown out of the apnea and it was such a production to stay overnight (I mean... for Adam... I said heck no to sleeping with a camera on me all night, creepy much?) and he showed so much improvement since his last study so I think it's safe to say we're over it. Can you tell we're just ready to move on?! It really is so true that parents know best and we feel and have felt for awhile that he is doing great. We've told our pediatrician what we're up to and don't seem to get any negative feedback regarding our decision so we'll just check that oxygen off the list for good.

Four month photos