FINAL notes on surgery and recovery

I can't believe Sunday marked the one week point from the surgery. Seems like it was just yesterday and like it never happened all at the same time. My memory of that evening after surgery is a little foggy but I'll share what I do remember:


-Having to pee right away when I got back to my room and not being able to move much because of the pain so I requested the bed pan. This was actually exciting to me in my drug induced state, I'm not sure why.  It required  a couple nurses to roll me onto my side very slowly and painfully and then they placed the little bowl-type pan thing under me, rolled me back and I just let it go. What a relief.
-Even more exciting was training my husband how to roll me carefully so he could help the next few times I had to go. He fondly calls this helping me "pee the bed."
-I couldn't eat regular food right away (they ease you back into normal solids after not eating for so many hours) so all I got was jello. Adam fed me the jello, and again I don't remember why I couldn't feed myself. He says I wanted to be fed and that I was so out of it I couldn't do much myself. I think, same with the bedpan, I had been through a lot and wanted other people to take care of me while I just laid there happily drugged.
-Adam actually feeding me the jello was the funniest thing, and I had almost forgotten about this but after thinking about that night the memory came back: instead of putting the spoon in my mouth so I could eat the jello off of it, he would 'dump' the spoon and it's contents into my mouth like I was a fish or something. I guess it was a good thing I was his practice dummy before baby comes.
-The resident who assisted with the surgery came back to talk with us as I had yet to hear any firsthand details of the surgery. There was nothing that sticks out besides her explaining why my belly button kept bleeding whenever I would move. She said that they sewed me up inside and just glued (or maybe sewed, I'm not sure) my belly button back down to the muscles but that it wasn't 'staying.' Gross. I later found out my belly button is the whole hole that got sewn/sutured back up, the rest are just glued shut. Weird.

I got a great night's sleep that night thanks to the drugs, anesthesia not being totally worn off, and Adam sleeping nearby on the couch that we finally got in our room. I think at about 4 or 5 am I got up out of bed for the first time to walk to the bathroom. This was a very strange feeling; it felt like my legs were not really my legs. I could see them moving but couldn't quite feel them. Luckily, the next time I got up this was gone and every time after I was better and moving a little faster.

We saw one of our OB doctors that morning who said I was good to go whenever I wanted that day. This was a relief  but was also scary for me. I had nurses and doctors at my beck and call there, and what was going to happen if I went home? What if something when wrong? What if the pain came back? I think I was terrified because of being sent home before when I should not have been, but I knew that this time everything would be OK.

At some point that day a nice lady came in to offer me communion and to say a couple prayers. This was so sweet and unexpected but it also brought me to tears. She looked bewildered and I was embarrassed, but I thanked her and sat there alone crying about God knows what.  This was to be the trend for the rest of the week.

I was thankfully cheered up by a delivery of some beautiful flowers from some of our favorite people and Adam returning to officially take me home. Being outside for the first time in four days felt odd but amazing, however the car ride didn't feel as great. Potholes + recent surgery don't mix well, but Adam drove like a grandpa (sorry any grandpas reading this) and got me home in one piece.

I am also so very thankful and grateful for my friend Brittany who came down from Milwaukee that day with a goody bag and a "what can I do?" attitude, so we put her to work at the house for a little bit as it had been neglected and the laundry was piling up. Adam still raves about the leftovers she brought from her family's Easter celebration (think large Italian family = delicious cooking and baking). Brittany - you are THE BEST and we can't thank you enough!

 Also, a huge THANK YOU to everyone for your kind posts, well wishes, cards, flowers and prayers. I can't tell you how special it was to know that we had everyone's prayers coming our way and that we have such great friends and family behind us to support us through some tough times. Know that we love you all and appreciate everything more than words can say.

Some of the pretty cards and flowers

Last week/the first few days home were pretty uneventful re: the surgery and recovery except for feeling quite depressed and tearful. Hormones maybe? I found myself crying frequently over who knows what, I think just the processing of everything that happened was catching up to me. Our 20 week OB appointment/follow-up with the OB surgeon was cancelled Wednesday evening due to a power outage (you've GOT to be kidding me?! It only lasted for an hour and I've worked all day through a power outage!!!!) and that really set me off. Is the world out to get me? Why can't anything go right? I think I felt that the appointment was the closure I needed and to have it cancelled for something silly and out of the blue was really upsetting. Luckily, my husband told some white lies to get me in for a quick and still very tearful appointment the following day.

In other news, I took my last norco (narcotic pain pill) on Friday and switched to Tylenol for the weekend so that I could be the DD for my mom to get us home from my cousin's bachelorette party. It felt good to drive for the first time in over a week and like I was semi-human again;  it turned out I felt fine pain-wise and didn't miss the strong drugs.  I took another round of Tylenol Sunday in anticipation of the bus ride back to Chicago and that's the last of any pain meds and I feel good! Like, silly tears and depression has cleared, pain is gone good. Still get tired a little easily if I over do anything physically but I think I'll be good as gold for work on Monday.

Also, some GREAT news. The pathology of my mass/cyst came back NORMAL, benign, non-cancerous! To be honest, we weren't worried about it as they made it seem like it wasn't a concern and I had kind-of forgotten that they were even testing it. So thank goodness and we can finally say that the whole thing is officially behind us!

Bump photos!

12 weeks in New Orleans

15 weeks at the beach in Fort Myers

16 weeks and the Badgers make the Final Four!

18 weeks - time for a new swimsuit. Does anyone else only buy one piece at a time?

20 weeks in Wisconsin for Ashley's Shower

20 week OB appointment

We had our official 20 week OB appointment on Tuesday! This would have been when we found out the sex so I had been counting down the days to this appointment.

All looked great, baby is measuring 19 weeks 6 days so just a week 'small' but they said this is very normal for being 'early' in the pregnancy. The important thing is that all the pieces are there to the puzzle and now the baby puzzle just grows. I asked if my recent weight loss from surgery, etc. would have anything to do with him being a little small and they said no.

Attempted profile of face, baby wasn't quite cooperating to fully see the nose. I think he looks like Dad. 

 

 

So far baby's leg is in the 36th percentile for length. If he takes after mom and dad, this should change!

Only thing that is a little off and scary is that I have a low-lying placenta. This occurs in about 20% of pregnancies at around this point and can result in having to have a c-section if the placenta doesn't naturally migrate up, which is what usually happens as the uterus continues to grow. If my placenta stays where it's currently at, they felt I could still have a normal vaginal delivery with a c-section operating room ready to go if anything was amiss. Let's just hope this placenta makes a move in the right direction...

 That's his butt looking up from underneath and the um... man parts.

Thumbs up! Thanks for checking in on me!

20 week pregnancy questionnaire

Pregnancy Questionnaire

20 weeks 2 days, ready for cousin Ashley's Bridal Shower!

How far along: 20 weeks 6 days (4/30/14)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Was +5-6 lbs until being hospitalized, now back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Doc said all is OK as long as my appetite is back (and it is back in full force) so I should get back on track soon.

Maternity clothes: Only if I have to wear jeans which I seldom do, otherwise I can wear normal leggings. Maternity leggings are way comfortable though. Still fitting into normal tops and may have to consider a larger bra size soon... say what?!

Stretch marks: Don't think so.

Sleep: Being off work for this additional week means an overly healthy 10+ hours a night plus a good couple hour nap during the day. Can't complain! Just call me the sleeping queen (again, I was a sleeping queen before being pregnant so I guess not much has changed there). Not uncomfortable yet although I am afraid of sleeping on my tummy which I don't do on purpose but sometimes wake up that way.

Best moment last week: Waking up from surgery and being told everything was OK - baby was OK, mom was OK and cyst was gone.

Movement: Felt my first karate kick on Friday, April 25th. My mom had just treated me to a mani/pedi and we were on our way for lunch so I was quite hungry. Her sunroof was open, sun was shining on my belly and 'hi-yaaa' karate kick to my lower left tummy. I had been feeling some questionable movements but couldn't say for sure it was baby, but this was definitely baby. He kicked again once my hand was over the spot so I got to 'feel' it with my hand too. Very special moment that I'll always remember, and it was fun seeing Grandma's smile too. He didn't kick for her though, he must be a shy guy. Just sad that daddy wasn't there to experience it, too.

Food cravings: Nothing that I'm constantly craving, but I can't pass a McDonald's without a vanilla cone. (Note: that was pretty normal before pregnancy). I will say that if something pops in my head, I have to have it NOW. Like 5 minutes ago now. But not really any trends to these instant-need-it-now cravings.

Gender: LITTLE MAN

Labor signs: Um, no. Let's keep it that way.

Belly button - in or out? Not sure how to answer this one. I think it'll be in permanently as it was sewn shut and to the muscles underneath. We'll see.

What I miss: Captain Morgan and diet coke. Duh.

What I am looking forward to: Seeing this little baby's face, decorating the nursery, warm weather so I can get outside and live a little.

Milestones: Feeling baby kick momma for the first time, feeling SO much better after having that nasty cyst removed and reaching the HALFWAY point of this pregnancy. Wahooo!

Results and some answers.

Surgery lasted about an hour. They were able to complete it laparascopically with four holes instead of the usual two with my belly button getting the brunt of it and having to be opened a little more than normal to get the mass out in pieces. Baby came out undisturbed and just fine.

Belly Before

Belly After

Belly three days later

What they found was surprising: not only did I have a 9 cm mass (larger than they had expected), but it was twisted on itself three times. The fallopian tubes were barely recognizable as they were twisted and knotted, and part of the ovary had begun to show necrosis, or tissue death due to being cut off from its blood supply.

Starting at the top: Uterus then curled fallopian tubes and then the mass/cyst/ovary. 

They were surprised to find the torsion or twisting because previous imaging hadn't shown it. They felt that it appeared on earlier ultrasounds that there was blood flow to the ovary and wasn't twisting/torsion but it may have been the blood just caught in the twisted fallopian tube that they were seeing. Sounds like they were a little baffled. If this had been left to itself, the mass itself likely would have died off due to lack of blood supply and maybe just fallen off and gotten reabsorbed into my body. This is where I need Adam to edit because I am still foggy on these details. They were explained more to everyone else while I was in recovery.

The pain I was experiencing was the actual twisting/torsion of the mass. They explained it as the ovary typically just kind of hangs there, and due to the weight of the mass and the increasing pressure from the baby, it was being pushed around and twisting on itself. Ouch. They further felt that it was possibly twisting and untwisting in the previous months, explaining the intermittent pain and that in the last few days it had really gotten jumbled up causing the sudden increase in sharp, severe pain.

They're still unsure if the mass was always this size from the start or recently grew more. The good news is that after gross inspection, the oncologist felt that it was not cancerous. Thank God. It was sent to pathology for further testing and we should get the final results soon, but it seemed there was no real concern. 

Phew.

Surgery, finally.

About 2 pm on Easter Sunday the nurse rushed in to say, "they have a surgical suite ready, they'll be coming for you soon."

Then came the tears. I was 100% on board for the surgery but I was not prepared. It was my first experience dealing with surgery for myself. I had watched a knee replacement operation and let's just say it wasn't pretty, so picturing myself on the operating table made me want to vomit. It was more about the 'extra' things that go along with surgery that I was afraid of, like being intubated and having a catheter placed. Silly things, but things that I had heard about from many of my patients that weren't comfortable and I knew how they worked and didn't like picturing me in the picture.

And more tears. And more deep breathing. And fear. But then somehow I decided that this wasn't about me, this was about the baby and I went into mom mode. I knew that if I was freaking out, the baby would freak out. I knew that If I could stay calm, the baby would be calm. So I decided to be calm. So I calmly was transported to surgery with tears running down my face with a husband who was doing his very best to fight back tears and until I was whisked away was winning that battle. He later told me he cried most of the time I was gone in surgery, which breaks my heart but I also had told him it's OK to cry and in a way it's good to just let it go.

To the operating room. Unfortunately I was wide awake as they wheeled me in and I got to see in bright lights the room and all that was in it. About five seconds in, I decided I couldn't look around or would get sick. So my eyes stayed closed. They kind of lifted/rolled me onto the operating table and instantly starting hooking me up to monitors and strapping me in. Again, I kept my eyes closed. I was cold and felt a sharp pain in my arm as the anesthesiologist pushed some anesthesia into my IV. I started to feel some numbness on my tongue and a groggy sensation in my head as they kept cheerfully talking to me. Then, he placed something over my mouth to finish me off into my deep sleep and the tears came. I quickly said, "Please take care of my baby" and was off.

Next thing I know, I'm in recovery. I remember feeling like I took a deep breath and suddenly was awake and in pain. I was calling out something, they said I was saying "Is everything OK?" but I'm pretty sure that wasn't in. Must have been something bad or funny and they wouldn't tell me. Most importantly, they said "You're OK. The baby is fine. You have four small incisions. They got everything out." Relief.

I know I said asked for something for the pain and suddenly felt it being pushed into the IV, and just as suddenly I was nauseous and the nice lady had a pan in front of me and out came whatever was in my stomach. I felt better. I couldn't move because of the pain but I was also very cold. The nice ladies kept running around because there was another person next to me. I couldn't see him but apparently he was a little agitated because they kept telling him to relax. I think I was more interested in him than what was going on with me.

I have no idea how much time went by or what else happened during this time.Then, they wheeled me and my gurney back to the room. Home sweet home. The ordeal was over.

Surgery! Please?

Sunday morning. Happy Easter!?

We were expecting to see our OB doctor, Dr. Dickerson, who had kind of been the main doctor following me in addition to another. She came in around 9:30 am and dropped a bomb. She didn't want to operate. My heart sank. Tears came. We were 100% ready to go, cut me open, take this thing out now.

She explained that, after reviewing everything and thinking hard about it overnight, she felt the risks were too great and that I would be better off waiting as long as possible... for some miracle. She had some serious concerns that weren't mentioned earlier about me losing a lot of blood and possibly coding, resulting in needing to be resuscitated and possibly death. Risks I was aware of, but were news to Adam. This makes sense as the ovaries and uterus in general are supplied a lot of blood during pregnancy.

She went on to describe in general what my life would be like for the next few months. Deconditioning, physical therapy, possibly acupuncture for pain, ongoing drugs, effects on baby, not returning to work, going on disability, etc. I was not OK with this. I was pissed but listened to what she had to say. She left us alone to discuss and think about this. We were still waiting to talk to the gynecologist/oncologist who would have assisted with the operation.

So, back to square one. Again. I'm pissed and scared, Adam is just scared because all of a sudden there is a concern about losing me and not just the baby. He was not OK with this.

In comes my lifesaver, Dr. Weinberg. She is the gynecological oncologist that swooped in and saved the day. Confident and calm, she comes in and tells us she can operate. Not a big deal. She did one last weekend, baby and mom are fine. She felt confident she could do the minimally invasive surgery. She reassured me she felt that baby would be OK. She was so sure of herself it was almost scary.

She also had a resident with her who didn't seem quite as confident and stepped in to clarify that we had to be 100% prepared to lose the baby. Ummm OK. No one can be 100% prepared for that but I was 100% willing to take the risk because I knew I couldn't keep up with the pain much longer.

After a lengthy discussion with her, we told her LET'S DO THIS. TODAY, PLEASE. She said, "OK, I'll make it happen." Love her. This was probably about noon, and the nurse came in shortly after to say she overhead a conversation that sounded like we were looking at a 4 or 5 pm surgery. Thank God.

Looking back, we decided that our OB doctor is just that. She's a baby doctor and it's her job to take care of me and the baby. Operating to remove a mass isn't her expertise, so she was making recommendations based on how she felt and her confidence level. I am just so incredibly and beyond grateful that someone else came in who did feel confident with my issue, because there was no way we were going to go ahead with this if we didn't have someone on board we could trust with my life and the baby's.